Proven Steps to Breaking a Trauma Bond #1
Trauma Bond What?
Trauma bonds are formed when you are in a toxic relationship that has dramatic ups and downs. Usually the downs last longer than the ups but not always. These bonds are strengthened by the toxic person through a systematic approach of giving hope and taking it away. They promise love, family, happiness, the perfect romance. They will then go through times of being bitter, angry, hurtful and demanding. They may cheat, name call or blame you for their issues. We may feel that this is the best we can do or that they are our soulmate so we give them more leniency than we would normally. Or we have only seen toxic relationships in our lives so we think this is normal. But they are not really normal and we have the ability to choose if we will continue to be lied to, gaslighted, cheated on, or whatever other crazy crap they throw at us. So how do we leave a relationship that feels like we will die without them, or that we need them to feel happy in life?
Realize it is a trauma bond and the relationship is not healthy or happy. In these relationships we have a false hope that we can fix the person or relationship because the good times are SO GOOD. But we need to realize that the bad times are more damaging than we realize and that we DESERVE a healthy relationship. You must really see the damage that it is doing to you and your kids if you have any. And it is doing damage to the kids, they will think that is the way a relationship is supposed to be. If you would tell your daughter to leave, its time to evaluate if you should be there. We get to choose what we will take or not. If we are being treated poorly, we can take the initiative and say no. If it is a toxic relationship, we most likely need to realize those strong feelings of attachment are really just the trauma bonding and we need to take a step back to see what is really going on.
Take a few days and write out all that they have done to hurt you. Be real, be honest and really dig in to everything that is painful in the relationship. When you are done writing it all out read it as if it was happening to your closest friend. Would you tell them to leave? Would you help them leave? If you would do something to get them out of the relationship why are you allowing yourself to be hurt in this situation?
Step 2 coming soon!
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