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Move Forward with These 3 Steps

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Move Forward with These 3 Steps

Actionable Steps to Moving Forward

Sometimes, when dealing with addiction and betrayal trauma, we put more effort into the other person than we do ourselves. We focus on their needs to try to keep ourselves safe. Their needs and wants take the driver’s seat to curb their addiction. We will break our own boundaries, put up with disrespect, and allow ourselves to be used. We think as long as its us they aren’t cheating. This can be  as repulsive as finding them using. We can feel used, disillusioned, dirty and sick. It also continues their compulsive addiction even if they are objectifying us. We can not make them stay sober. They will make their choices based on THEM, not us. One of the best ways to move forward even if our partner won’t get help is to focus on us and our needs. There is no way for us to control them or what they do but we can make our own lives better. We do not have to wait for them to change to start living a better life. We can make our lives better starting today    
betrayal trauma recovery

Self Care

Self Care- Self care is critical to all recovery processes. It is where we learn how to take care of our mental emotional and physical wellbeing. We must be able to do those things to even start on the path of recovery from anything. Many of us have a hard time taking the time for ourselves. We feel it is selfish or taking time away from others. If we don’t take the time to care for our needs we won’t have the energy and ability to care for anyone else. Sometimes we may feel that self care will take time from being here for our spouse through their time of need. But we are in just as much need. I have even come across the idea that if we focus on ourselves then our spouse will be more likely to act out . We cannot control them no matter what we do. No amount of attention will change their addiction.  When we focus on them we become resentful.

It is not our job or even in our power to change how someone else feels or what they think. We must take care of us to be here for them. When we give ourselves the gift of self care we are also giving to others by making sure we can give them attention. Many of us also have children or others who are dependent on us. While we are recovering from the pain and torment of betrayal, they may also need us. If we take the time to care for our mental needs we can care for them.  Self care gives us balance.


Support- We need support to be able to work through such a life altering situation. It breaks our hearts and pulls at our spirit, and we are not able to do that alone. No matter where you choose to get support it is vital to your ability to move forward. You need validation that what you feel is normal and real. You need to be able to pick apart when they try to manipulate, gaslight or blameshift. You need someone to sit with you when you feel like you can’t lift this burden any more. There are some of us who can do it alone but I have not met very many. I do not suggest the other person’s family, no matter how close you are with them. There may not be an issue with it now. Eventually, if they continue down the path they are on now it can held against you.


Education-. No matter what path you take, you will need to educate yourself about both sides of this addiction. There are things in your own life that will need to be changed. You will usually need to completely rebuild your self esteem after being with a sex addict. Learning self soothing techniques will improve your life in general. Knowing how to deal with addicts, and what manipulation tactics they use will help protect yourself. You will need to teach yourself so you know what is going on and can make informed decisions. Even if you walk away today, you need to learn about this so you don’t make the same mistakes in your own life. No I am not blaming you for your partners issues, but there are a few things that you may want to look at. If you had red flags and ignored them you need to search yourself for why. In your next relationship you will want boundaries that keep you safe. No matter how things went there are things we can learn from every situation. If you want to grow from this, you will need to learn and analyze things.

I know there are going to be times where you slip back into old patterns of thinking. I have many times and had to pull myself out. I have seen it with every client I have had. But if we keep getting back up and we keep pulling our heads out of their addiction we can and will move forward no matter what. Taking the time for these steps will bring our authentic selves out. We become self-sufficient, which in turn gives us the safety and security we crave.

I am available for personal and couples coaching.

I will give you the tools to move forward, happy, secure and liberated from the pain of discovery. Call NOW to schedule your FREE CONSULTATION! New Client Discount Available. 


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