6 Tips To Revitalize Your Marriage
Every marriage can use a tune-up at some point or another. There are many ways to get things moving again but these are the ones that I have found to be the fastest to make a difference. You may want to try them all at once or one at a time add them in but either way I think they can help. When we are either in a rut or perhaps we are trying to reconnect after a serious issue, there are things that we just don’t really do anymore. These things are sometimes important. Here are 6 tips on revitalizing your marriage.
Again these are for a marriage on its way to being healthy, not necessarily one that is freshly finding recovery or where one partner is not ready yet to change. I do think these things can help but I also know that active addicts will use just about anything to their advantage and until there are healthy boundaries some of this could be used in inappropriate ways.
Be GRATEFUL – Both of you take the time to write out at least 10 things you are grateful for that your partner does or your relationship gives you, on little slips of paper and put them in a jar for your partner. When they do something that makes you feel good or you liked or really anything positive add that to the jar. Every week aim for adding at least 10 more things you are grateful for. You will begin to look for the good they are doing and you will also try to do more for them to write things for you also. Also try to say thank you at least 3 times a day. The more you pay attention to what they are doing RIGHT the more you see it.
Spend TIME together that is not related to running your lives or caring for children – Take a road trip with no destination in mind and just explore together. Or go on a date at least once every other week and have a rule no responsibility talk. Letting go of the stress of daily life and just enjoying each other will let you reconnect and remember what it is that drew you to this person in the first place. Try to really share your time in a way that promotes talking instead of just watching a movie. Play mini golf, go to a carnival and play games together, window shop. The more you share your time the more you will talk, the more you will reconnect.
Communication is KEY
Learn to communicate MORE effectively – Even trained therapists need a refresher in communication for their marriage once in a while. Take a communication class or get communication coaching together so you learn each others communication style. Learn how to talk so the other can listen and learn to actively listen. Make a list of rules for fighting that you both follow, together come up with a time out word. Maybe make a list of words that trigger you both so you know what NOT to say. Communication is a multifaceted thing, look into more information to give you a huge boost.
Show more PHYSICAL affection – This is not just in the bedroom but the little things like holding hands, in the store one of you pushes the cart, the other wraps their arms behind and walk together or side by side. When you are watching a movie start cuddling again like teenagers. Don’t worry about your children seeing you as long as it’s not too passionate. I personally think it is good for children to see that their parents care for each other and like to cuddle or hold hands. It is a reassuring thing for many kids and teaches them healthy ways to express affection to a partner in an appropriate setting.
Share Your Inner Self
SHARE your inner thinking/dreams/hopes – When you take time together be more mentally intimate you feel more connected. By telling each other what you think about and things you want in life you allow your partner to connect with you deeper and find commonalities. In a healthy marriage even talking about fantasies can be very connecting. Spend time talking about what you would do if you won the lottery. Make an effort to explain the home you want to grow old in. Talk about that car he has always wanted to build, what color? What year? There are things to talk about even if you have been together for 50 years. There are things that never came up before. Another good exercise is to get a book on something you are both interested in and discuss it as you read it together.
When there has been issues in the relationship or we have been together for a long time it may sometimes feel like we are really just roommates. That isn’t really a place we want to stay in our marriage because that place can lead to even more issues like feeling like there is no point in even being together except our responsibilities, When we think like that there is a huge block in the way of being the best marriage you can. Working on these areas can help even the most distant marriage, if both parties are willing to work at it. There is no fix all, or easy fix or even fast fix, but with work you can both have everything you NEED.