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5 Tips to Survive Your Divorce

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5 Tips to Survive Your Divorce


I know that a divorce is not how everyone pictured their marriage turning out. We don’t usually go into our marriage saying I’d like to be divorced by this date. When we marry we plan to stay in that marriage, and if that isn’t possible many of us have no real idea what to do. We get wrapped up in the pain and don’t really know how to make sense of it. I personally felt like my life was over. The good news is I was wrong and life moves on as it always has. I have learned a lot and I am here to share that knowledge with you.

  • Your divorce is a learning experience, not a failure, this does not define you. Many of us have this idea that if we can’t stay in our marriage that we must be failing at something. That just isn’t always true. We can have things change in our lives. Look at your relationship and divorce as a LEARNING experience. Take what you’ve learned in this forward and apply it to your life. If you can’t see what there is to learn, try to think of what you would tell your child or best friend. We are usually much harder on ourselves than anyone else.
  • Take the time to PROCESS what is going on and how you feel. Many of us just want to move forward without allowing ourselves to mourn and process the divorce. No matter who wanted the divorce, we need to take time and go through the emotions. You must be mindful that you are technically in mourning and remember the 5 stages of grief. Your mind and heart will not just jump from this to another relationship without bringing stuff from this one if you don’t take the time to really figure out what was going on and how things happened.  Processing how you feel is extremely hard sometimes because you have to let yourself feel the feelings you have to also explore those feelings and then let them go.
  • It is okay to hurt but don’t take it out on your ex. They are also going through a hard time and you being the bigger person will benefit you in the long run. You will look better in court and for yourself just to treat this person with respect and how you would like them to treat you. I don’t mean take them back or anything but treating them with respect is not for them, it is for you. You deserve a healthy divorce and the only way to start that is to show them how you are acting. And remember if they decide to be disrespectful, rude, and act a fool, that’s not on you. You are doing what’s best for you and that is the only most important part.
  • Take time alone for yourself and perform self care regularly. You will need to treat yourself better than you probably have in years. You need healthy food, good sleep, good hygiene and anything else you need to do to love yourself. This will give you the energy and mental emotional focus and umph to get through this trying time. Giving to yourself isn’t selfish either, it gives us the resources to give to others. Self-care is extremely important when you are trying to take care of everyone else because if you can’t take care of yourself you can’t take care of everybody else there’s just no way.
  • Take things as they come. At this time you know, you will need to allow yourself to just go through the day and get through it. You don’t need to over-plan what’s going to happen right now, you don’t need to fill your days right now, you don’t need to over exhaust yourself. You’re going to need to just go with the flow so that you are not more stressed out than you need to be. At this point stress is literally the opposite of helpful. You want to take time to just relax and be mindful of what is going on around you and how it all makes you feel.

Another thing I really think will help is looking for things to be grateful in every situation. That can be hard at times but if we get used to looking for the good we will see it more often. As we get used to looking at the situation as a positive we learn to enjoy things more. 

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